Musings on Motherhood

Last month I had the privilege of joining the ranks of working moms for ten days while my sister was in China. It was quite a learning experience, to say the least! There are definite perks to temporary motherhood, with the biggest one being that it's temporary! I love my nephews and got used to having them around during their 10 day stay at my house, but whew . . . it's exhausting! I don't think I slept during the entire time because I was so afraid that something was going to happen and my sister was going to kill me!! Sure, they spent the day at Aunt Patti's house (a professional mom, not an amateur like me), but I was confident that if anything happened to Jeebub and Dew, it would be my fault . . . professional moms like Patti don't let things happen to their kids! (Even if they are temporary kids!) But, I didn't injure them physically or emotionally, and I came out still being the favorite auntie. Who could ask for anything else!

Here are a few other things I learned while being a temporary mom.

• Working moms rock. I don't know how they do it. They simply rock.
• Single moms rock. I don't know how they do it. They simply rock.
• Morning people are way cuter when they are two and three.
• Cute morning people can still wake you up WAY too early. Like 3:30 a.m. early. Then, it's not so cute.
• Motherhood forces you to prioritize your To Do Lists. But, you still don't get anything done because it's way more fun to play with the kids.
• When Drew says "Esther," I'll pretty much give him whatever he wants.
• Auntie Mode and Mommy Mode don't go well together. Auntie's don't discipline, they merely spoil. But in Mommy Mode, sometimes you have to say no!
• Singing Southern Santa is a lifesaver.
• Bedtime routines for kids are WAY longer than bedtime routines for me. But, by the time their bedtime routine is done, I'm so ready for bed!
• It's really easy to get the Little Einstein's song stuck in your head . . . for days . . . "We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship, zooming through the sky, Little Einsteins! Climb aboard, get ready to explore . . . " I seriously had this song stuck in my head all day one day at school, only to come home and watch another episode before bedtime!!
• Having the Little Einstein's theme song stuck in my head was so worth having Jeebub yell "BWAST OFF!!!!" and Dew say, "pat, pat, pat, pat, pat . . . " every time the rocket takes off.
• I am SOOO not ready for the full-time gig . . . being an auntie is WAY easier!

While we're on the topic of motherhood, let me share a few thoughts on Hoover Mothers. Rachael, despite what you think, you don't have a monopoly on dealings with crazy people!! This is one of those horror stories new teachers don't ever want to hear about, let alone experience! Why are they called Hoover Mothers, you ask? Think Hoover Vacuums, and you'll start to get an idea of why the title evolved from Hover Mother and Helicopter Mom. The title of Hoover Mother is earned through extreme amounts of diligence and persistence. If you want to join the ranks of the prestigious few who drive teachers up the walls, follow the example of this year's reigning Hoover Mother Champion.

• Be sure to go with your fifth grade student to school on the first day and have them pose for pictures for several minutes after class has started.
• Visit your student's teachers every day before and after school and suck up all the air by discussing how your student has never done so poorly in school and therefore, it must be the teachers this year who are making her a poor student.
• While visiting the teachers, be sure to ask that each day, they double check with your student to see if they have turned in the homework, if they have any questions they need answered, if they have a sharpened pencil for class, if they brought their workbook to class, etc. Make sure EVERYTHING is the teacher's responsibility.
• Check your student's grades online every night and e-mail the teacher every time the grades aren't updated immediately . . . like the minute the paper was turned in.
• When the teacher says it is too late to turn in an assignment, go see the teacher during class to ask for a copy of the assignment so your student can turn it in any way. Of course, you have to make sure the teacher knows you fully expect credit on the assignment.
• When the aforementioned assignment isn't added to the grade, personally deliver the paper to the teacher to insure it is graded. If the teacher is out of their room at the moment, put it in the door and send them an e-mail to make sure they got it. Then, call the teacher to make sure they got the e-mail and the paper in the door.
• Each time you don't agree with the homework policy the teacher uses for the entire class, make sure they know that your student's third grade teacher never expected that from your student. Therefore, it is inappropriate to expect fifth graders to turn in their homework within a week of when it was assigned.
• When you look at a math paper with fifth grade story problems on it from the teacher, ask the teacher how you are supposed to do it.
• Come into the classroom during a test and start talking with your student, successfully disrupting your student and everyone else around them.
• Offer to come in and help your student on their tests.

If you have merely been called a Helicopter Mom or a Hover Mother, you haven't worked hard enough!! It is only when you become a Hoover Mother that you can enter the school with confidence that the three fifth grade teachers take turns avoiding you!

And so, to all you mothers out there, please, save what little sanity we teachers possess! Don't become Hoover Mothers!!