Queen Bees

One of the things I've discovered I dislike the most about teaching is the "girl problems." "She won't be friends with me!" "They talk about me behind my back!" "She is turning everyone else against me!" "I don't want to sit next to her!!" etc., etc., etc. Some days are worse than others. Last week Tuesday, I decided I'd had it. I was tired of the backbiting, the gossip, the general meanness of the girls in my class. And so, with images of a movie I saw once about mean girls, I embarked on a journey that would hopefully give these ten-year-old kids a little perspective. I get the feeling my team members were expecting me to fail, that they were a little amused that I was taking the time to confront such a pervasive issue. But, they kindly smiled and nodded and agreed to send all of my girls from my home room class back into my room at recess time.

The little chat actually went really well. I had them put their heads down and raise their hand if they had ever had their feelings hurt by someone in the room. Every person raised their hand. I had them look and see how everyone was raising their hand, and I think it kind of shocked them a little. Then, we talked about how boys just hit each other when they fight, but girls say mean things to and about each other. They give each other mean notes, and say they don't want to be friends any more. I told them I would rather get hit because that stuff heals faster than what girls do to each other. After that, I went into the hard part--encouraging them to remember how stinky it feels to have people say that to you and about you and to make an honest effort to not do that to each other. I said they don't have to be best friends, but they do need to respect each other. If they could do that, they would be so much happier while they go through school together.

I also told them that the thing that's even harder than being nice to each other is remembering that they are wonderful people when someone says stuff like that to you. You can't control what other people say to you, but you can control how you react to it. I told them that they are all good girls, they are smart, and that if they ever forget how great they are to come back and let me know . . . I'll tell them again. I think I almost made a couple of the girls cry! Seriously, it kills me to see all these wonderful girls being hurt by stuff like this. Maybe I just personalize it more because junior high and high school was not exactly a walk in the park. I had a friend for the entire six years who probably wasn't the best for me and my self-esteem. Too bad taking advise is always a lot harder than giving it! ;-)

If you are interested in learning more about the social hierarchy of girls, look into the book "Queen Bees and Wannabes." It really is very intriguing.