Conversations You Don't Want to Have With Students

This story kind of requires a little background. In previous years of teaching, I thought I knew the definition "Hoover Mothers." However, this year I have come to realize that that some people are Hoover Mothers. And then there are the Hoover Platinum Mothers. This particular mother makes the strangest requests and has the most outlandish ideas of what my job description is. I thought perhaps her request for me to personally locate her daughter's new jacket (which oddly enough showed up under her desk after she had looked EVERYWHERE.). However, this last week, I think her request reached a whole new level of absurdity. I received the following email:

[My daughter] has a small dilemma. These last couple of days she has not been able to change her pad at school because the children's restrooms are not made for girls starting into menstruation. That is not ok. It is unsanitary, and can lead to serious urinary tract infections. If she could be allowed to use the teacher's restrooms, that would help. Can you talk to her privately to allow her to use the teacher's restrooms? It would only be a handful of times in a month.

Please let me know.

Um . . . wow. I mean . . . wow. I was seriously at a loss for words. About the point I began giggling about the absurdity of the request, I forwarded the email to the school secretary in order to serve 2 purposes: 1. to figure out what to respond to this particular email and 2. to entertain her. (Our secretary simply loves random requests . . . like students who request ice for every area imaginable . . . ) I knew the request would be denied, but just how to put it in a politically correct manner was beyond me. I was advised to talk to the student and ask her what specifically what the problem with the children's restrooms was. The conversation went as follows:

Me: Your mom emailed me about a problem with the bathrooms. Do you know what the problem is?

Student: Um, I'm not really sure.

Me: So, you don't know why your mom is requesting that you be allowed to use the teacher restrooms?

Student: Well, I do, but it's kind of hard to explain.

Me: Why don't you try and I'll see if I can figure out what you mean.

Student: Well, you know when you are growing up and going through puberty . . .

Me: Yeah, I think I've got that part. What is the problem with the bathroom?

Student: There's no garbage can in there.

Me: Yes there is. It's right by the door.

Student: Oh . . . there is? I've never noticed it before . . . .

At this point, I was trying extremely hard not to laugh. After all, the student had just tried to teach me about puberty . . . probably in the same way her mother had explained it to her just a few days before!! Yeah, I SOOOO did not want to have that conversation with her! As for the mother . . . I'm still trying to word a response to her in just the right way. But knowing her, she will probably have a new issue in a few days that helps her forget the unsanitary nature of the bathrooms at our school. Maybe next time I'll be put on the case of the school lunch causing her daughter to have diarrhea . . . . only to discover her daughter brought lunch from home that day.